This Exact Scenario Happened To Me

So today I’m grabbing my coffee heading to work, pulling out of the parking lot and slim thug comes on. 

I haven’t heard this song since nine deuce. I’m pulling out of Starbucks so I feel pretty safe you know? I start getting into it.. I’m all “they dont make to many niggas like me” throwin hand motions and i’m sure my facial expressions were on point… as I edge out I  look to my left to check for traffic and what do I see a few gangster brother straight staring at me. so I freeze drop my  iphone place my coffee in the cup holder and  roll em up, so seamlessly. and as I watch this clip im just dying thinking about how exact this scenario played out.

This is the scenario: 

 

Tebow Gets Lifetime Membership to Museum of Sex

Huffington Post – When asked during a recent interviewwhat he does for fun during a free day in Manhattan, Tim Tebow mentioned attending Broadway shows.

“I’ve seen “Wicked” and “Rock of Ages,” and I liked both of them,” the Jets’ back-up quarterback told ESPN New York. “‘Wicked’ was my favorite.”

Absolutely hilarious that people are just relentless on this Tebow not having sex thing, Museum of Sex  getting in on it now. Its not like he helps his case when he says shit like I just roam Broadway  in my free time ‘I love wicked’! . The more I read Tebow quotes and see interviews the more I believe he is living the movie Jack with Robin Williams, is Tebow really like an 8 year old athletic phenom or is he full retard and just has professional capabilities? I don’t get it i never will.

Tebow induction letter:

Justin Love Dropping Some Wednesday Heat on us.

Just to get your humpday poppin off, Justin Love dropping a banger on us.  

It could have been the crystal meth, just a guess. When you fell in love.

Those hood rats rocked it, which one do you think j.love wrote those lyrics about?

p.s –  j.love expressed  in a statement to the press he was also the man behind the xylophone on this track..

for all you heathens this is a xylophone:

You Never Go Full Mexican. C’mon Mitt.

Great answers by Mitt but hilarious face paint! Not in the clip Mitt finishes interview with a “VIVA LA MEXICO”

Huffington Post – Mitt Romney appeared on UnivisionWednesday alongside Jorge Ramos and Maria Elena Salinas, but something was a little peculiar about his appearance — his skin tone. Looking back at the hundreds of photos logging his every moment on the campaign trail, the Republican presidential nominee is usually not so shockingly tan.

While his orangey-brown appearance on Univision could have been the result of bad lighting or a makeup mishap, left-wing blog the Democratic Underground concluded that Romney “dyed his facebrown for his Univision interview.”

First off, this is absolutely amazing. If Mitt dyed his skin to appear on Latino TV I give him an extra thumbs up and hes got my vote.  I mean how can you not vote for a guy with that kind of dedication.  It is also rumored Mitt illegally crossed the border for  the interview.

Gronk Is Living The Dream

USA TODAY – Rob Gronkowski and former adult film star Bibi Jones has hit the Internet, one year after pictures of the scantily-clad woman modeling Gronkowski’s New England Patriots jersey caused a brief stir and forced the tight end to apologize to team owner Robert Kraft.

The photo was tweeted from Jones’ account Tuesday night. In it, she’s wearing a bikini bottom and holding up Gronk’s No. 87 jersey to cover the upper-half of her body.

BiBi Tweeted:

“@Britney_Maclin: Gronk told me he dropped those balls bc he was thinking of me! Gotta get back in his life (:

 

Wow Gronk Killing it with the: ” I cant even focus on football Ive been dropping balls without you.” You don’t get a bigger meat head than Gronk but I wouldn’t have it any other way, the guy is a legend at 23 years old. He has grown men frothing at his lifestyle, wearing his jersey just wanting to be him. He is Football or at least what its supposed to be.

NHL Lockout Update

Then:

 

Now:

 

You’re Going the Wrong Way.  NHL Stars are heading out of the NHL and Quickly.

Evgeni Malkin and Sergei Gonchar have already practiced with their KHL team in Russia, Pavel Datsyuk, Jaromir Jagr and Jussi Jokinen are among the many who have as well signed contracts and I don’t blame them for a second. These European teams are ready to spend some cake, these NHL athletes are looking to make some its an easy equation. Go where the money is. The KHL is allowed to pay NHL players a maximum of 65 per cent of what they earn under their NHL contracts. These guys can go over to the KHL make millions without worrying about a stoppage, I could see a few of them having no desire to come back.

What do you think?

 

 

School Bus Driver Plows Through House.

 

Haha holy shit, what went through this guys head when we was reaching for the wheel..”i can hook it, i got this” then bam right through a fucking house. He was for sure playing dead at the end of that video. Sorry buddy we all know you were trying to ghost ride the whip and shit got out of control.

Redskin Snapper Breaks Arm, Keeps Playing 2 quarters. Thanks to being Tasered as a kid.

DM – Washington Redskins‘ star Nick Sundberg has attracted plaudits for his bravery after he played two quarters of Sunday’s 40-32 win at the New Orleans Saints with a broken arm. 

The long snapper, who described the incident as ‘the worst thing I’ve ever put myself through’, has attributed his high pain tolerance to the fact that he has regularly been tasered – for fun – since he was a young boy.

Sundberg’s mother, Stacie, works for Taser International, maker of the most common brand of electroshock gun.

When he was nine years old, his mom took him to a Bring-Your-Kid-to-Work day. While at the company headquarters, Sundberg’s mom’s coworkers dared him to take a hit of the taser. 

Sundberg tells the Washington Post that the only reason he agreed to the ‘neuromuscular incapacitation’ was because he figured his mother ‘wasn’t going to let me do it.It turns out he underestimated her. Sundberg was tasered twice that day and apparently didn’t mind the sensation too much.

This is hilarious, guy just regularly gets tasered as a kid and now hes got retard strength and the pain tolerance of an elephant.

Something tells me, his childhood went a little something like this:

American couple finally allowed to adopt three Russian Business Opportunities.

DM – They fought tirelessly for the last two years to give three Russian orphans a loving home and family.

Finally after jumping through many hoops, Kim and Alan Clark were able to bring the Siberian girls back to America.

The Clarks, from Tennessee, were first made aware of the plight of orphans in China and Russia.

Mr Clark described to The Tennessean that it was like a calling for his wife of 26 years to go and find them a daughter. Little did they know that three daughters would be coming back with them after much tireless work on their part.

The sisters they came to adopt were Kristina, 13, Nastia, 11, and Natasha, nine. At first the government and agencies said no five times, in part because of the case of Artem Hansen – who was adopted from Russia in 2009 before being put alone on a plane back to Russia less than a year later.

Looks like the Clarks just got a head start on Rio De Janeiro 2016, Their next venture is to “adopt” two fifteen year old  Chinese twins who  got an early start as pole vaulters just looking for a meal.

I know what you’re up to Clark Family, Cant pull one over on me… this story sounds eerily familiar.  Tennessee families just doing work:

Hungry, Why Wait?

NBC NEWSAn Arizona drifter who skinned a cat and wore its tail and innards around his neck was sentenced to two years in prison on Wednesday.

If you don’t paint your face and eat cats, then fuck you!

Wonder if all local Chinese restaurants have already retained his services when he gets out of jail?

According to the criminal complaint, police arrested Hofstad in January after he broke into a Phoenix warehouse used as a music venue.

Officers found the skinned and gutted remains of a cat inside, and Hofstad wearing the cat’s tail and a piece of its “internals” around his neck on a rope, with his face painted. Police said he had eaten parts of the cat, while some of its other internal organs were kept in a cooler.

Where in the hell did this guy get a fucking cooler?  Great idea though, gotta keep those organs fresh.

Hofstad told police he had recently been released from jail and had nowhere to live. He said he had not eaten in a few days, so he hit the cat with a stick and then stabbed it.

Why the cat would go anywhere near some crazy human with a stick and their face painted we will never know.  He obviously didn’t have any food to lure it in with.  Dumbass cat.

He planned to stuff the animal and save the skeleton “for a decoration for a party.”

Yeah, I was going to use the skeleton as a centerpiece for the table at Thanksgiving with my totally sane family.  Fucking cops always fucking some shit up.  Next time, I will be more careful and make sure to not paint my face and break and enter when I do this.  Totally worth two years in jail though, that cat tasted fucking amazing!

Are United Continental Employees Homophobes? You be the judge.

OVERHEADBINA gay couple is accusing United Continental of “extreme and outrageous” conduct over an alleged incident involving a sex toy taped to their luggage, which the men say caused them severe emotional trauma.

Christopher Bridgeman and Martin Borger of Norfolk, Va., are seeking damages for intentional infliction of emotional distress, invasion of privacy and negligence in a lawsuit filed against the airline on Friday in the District Court of Harris County, Texas.

“It still brings butterflies to my stomach,” Borger, 35, told NBC News when recalling the episode.
I don’t know about you, but it brings butterflies to my stomach to think about what this toy actually looked like.

United countered that it has conducted a thorough investigation and determined that there is no support for the allegations, spokeswoman Christen David said in a statement.

“United does not tolerate discrimination of any kind,” David said. “We will vigorously defend ourselves and our employees.”

The incident allegedly happened on May 21, 2011, as Bridgeman and Borger were returning from a vacation in Costa Rica. The men — who have been together for almost nine years — were flying back to Norfolk on Continental with a 90-minute layover at George Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston. (Continental merged with United in 2010.)

Once they landed in Houston, the men collected their checked bags, went through customs, rechecked their luggage and boarded their flight to Virginia without incident.

But when they arrived in Norfolk and went to the baggage claim area, the couple discovered a sex toy had been taken from one of their bags, covered in a “greasy foul-smelling substance” and “taped prominently” to the top of the bag, according to the lawsuit.

Hmm, what are the odds the greasy foul smelling substance was Borger’s diarrhea?

Borger was the one to first spot the luggage.

And Borger got a boner immediately.

“I knew exactly what it was when I saw it,” he told NBC News. “I was absolutely and utterly shocked and embarrassed and humiliated and I didn’t even know what to do at the time.”

Everyone was staring at my erect penis, although hidden somewhat via my tight citizen jeans, it was still embarrassing.

Onlookers began laughing when they saw the bag, causing the men severe emotional trauma, according to the lawsuit.

Bridgeman speculated an airline employee went through the bag — which was closed with a simple zipper — found the sex toy, saw that it belonged to a man and decided to humiliate the owner.

“I absolutely, fervently believe that this was intentional,” Bridgeman, 34, told NBC News. “It was very sick and it was very wrong and it was just maliciously taped to the top and targeted because we’re gay.”

You’re god damn right it was intentional Bridgeman, you dumbass.  If I had to investigate what was constantly vibrating in someones luggage, and rubber gloves or not, had to touch it, you’re gonna fucking pay for that shit son.  No pun intended.

Why someone opened the bag in the first place is not clear, said Harry Scarborough, the couple’s attorney. He didn’t know whether the bag was X-rayed at the airport in Houston, but if it was, the sex toy would have been visible, he added.

The airline’s employees had a duty to prevent the bag from being put on display “in such an extremely offensive condition,” according to the lawsuit.

Bridgeman and Borger said they reported the incident to United Continental after the flight, but weren’t satisfied with the response.

The airline countered that it offered the men a gesture of goodwill, which they declined, spokeswoman Christen David said.

Scarborough said the offer didn’t begin to address what his clients had been through. He declined to estimate how much money the couple is seeking from the airline, but the lawsuit is requesting mental anguish damages, attorney fees and expenses and other compensation.

The couple doesn’t travel much anymore because of the psychological impact of the incident, Scarborough said.

Well, glad to know I pretty much have no chance of sitting next to Bridgeman or Borger on my next flight to Costa Rica.  Here is a recent photo of the two taken during an interview.

Civil War Wednesday’s – North Blog

What Can Yellow Do For You?

Chongqing City, China (Daily Mail UK):

A fun-loving boyfriend decided to surprise his partner by posting her an unusual present – himself.

But the joke went horribly wrong when the delivery was delayed and he almost suffocated to death.

Hu Seng, from Chongqing city, southern China, got a friend to tape him into a box, which he had paid a courier firm to deliver to his partner, Li Wang.

In a horrifying twist of fate, however, the unsuspecting couriers mixed up the address and instead of 30 minutes in the sealed box, Mr Seng was trapped inside for nearly three hours.  The box had very little air inside and was too thick for Mr Seng to make a hole in it.

By the time the package had arrived at his girlfriend’s office – where a friend was waiting to record her surprise on camera – Mr Seng had passed out and had to be revived by paramedics.

‘I didn’t realise it would take so long,’ admitted Mr Seng.

‘I tried to make a hole in the cardboard but it was too thick and I didn’t want to spoil the surprise by shouting.’

A spokesman for the courier firm said: ‘If he’d told us what he was doing at the start we would not have taken the parcel.

‘Even when we accept animals they have to go in special containers so they can breathe.’

Diamond Dave Blog:

What’s Up Slave Owners??  Diamond Dave here reporting from the North.  I’ll be here every Wednesday contributing to this space with my thoughts on random stories and hopefully showing the South that it indeed will not rise again.

Let’s get down to brass tax here about this Chinamen, appropriately named “Hu Seng”, which sounds eerily familiar to “Who Send?”, which is no doubt what his future ex-girlfriend said when this box of love showed up at her work place.  Is this really the type of studs the next World Superpower is churning out?  Because if that’s the case, bring that shit on.

This bro nearly died in a cardboard box of emotion.  Couldn’t even make a hole to breathe when shit hit the Phan.  How are we supposed to be scared of a country that can’t drive, and apparently can’t take proper precautions when shipping themselves next day ground?  I hope Tong.0 invites him on for a web redemption, where they turn his misfortune into a million dollar porn website business aptly named “Glory Hole Couriers”.  Godspeed, Hu Seng.

P.S.  I couldn’t resist…

Step 1 : Cut a hole in the box

Step 2: Pack yourself  in the box

Step 3: Then you die in that box!

It’s a Chink in a Box!  Your Chink in a Box, Girlllll